I haven’t been writing much lately. I’ve been overwhelmingly busy and exhausted lately.
I’m happy with my small world right now. Happy to be with my family. Happy that my family has expanded. Grateful to be working while I know so many others are not as fortunate right now.
But today… ugh. Today.
You know those people that sap your energy with their words? The ones that make you feel utterly unappreciated and worthless? The ones that can take you from the top of your world and crush your spirit with seemingly no effort at all?
That’s my day today.
In this moment I feel like crumbling. I feel weak. I feel powerless. The lack of security in the areas of my universe where I truly need security right now is palpable. Thick. Suffocating.
I’m drowning in an endless ocean of “never quite enough”.
And right now I’m furious with myself for giving up securities I once had firmly in place. For deliberately putting myself in this situation where I can be so easily crushed and consumed and then tossed out like trash.
I don’t know what to think. Or how to feel.
Thank you to my Kevin, and to my family. For being there on days like this. For making me laugh when I just want to scream and kick and cry.
May this moment pass quickly. So I can go back to focussing on those that actually care about me. Myself included.