Warning in advance, this post will offend some. If you are offended, please feel free to remove me from your feeds.
I wrote this on May 28, 2017. In the midst of a terrible breakup that followed a LOT of emotion abuse, gaslighting, and lies. It was hard to write, it’s hard to re-read, but the sentiment remains and I’m certain I’m not alone. Thus I shall share it here.
Okay I’m going to say some things here that are going to offend people. But please bear with me because I DO in fact have a point. I’m going to try REALLY HARD not to name anybody, but some of you will know who this is aimed towards I’m sure. Please understand that I’m not trying to shame anybody. Also, pardon the strong language in advance, please.
How the hell can anybody claim to be a good Christian if they so quickly turn their backs on somebody due to that person’s past? Or those same “good Christians” advise somebody to ignore somebody else in need. And yet those very same “good Christians” are so quick to expect the very person they shunned to be there for their loved one when the situation has been reversed!!
Now… I’m NOT the best Christian in the world. I get that. I smoke. I like to have a drink now and then. I’ve had sex out of wedlock. I’ve run with some very “interesting” and non-religious crowds. I like to hang out with guys more than I like to hang out with girls – and that’s NOT a sex thing, that’s just a comfort thing. Generally speaking I don’t have much in common with other women my age. I’d prefer to fix a car than go shoe shopping. So, like, it’s easier for me to talk with guys than it is with girls because I find I share more interests with the boys, as a rule.
I’m going to go WAY back for a moment to when I was 17 and I was dating this awfully sweet guy, but I had a child from a previous relationship. So his good Christian folks shunned me. Like, quite literally, I was the spawn of satan in their eyes.
Okay fine. I was a bit rough around the edges. I came from a very NON-Christian background and family. So religion, to me, was absolutely foreign.
But instead of following the example Jesus set out for us – you know, the Jesus those very same good Christians claim to worship? The Jesus who befriended whores and sinners from all kinds of shady walks of life? The Jesus who hung around with people that the church itself had damned? Yeah, instead of following His example, they advised that oh-so-sweet boy that if he continued to see me they would oust him from the family. Because I had a kid out of wedlock so i was obviously bad news.
Except here’s the thing: I have a checkered past, but I’m NOT actually a bad person. Just saying.
That “example” of how to be a good Christian turned me off of church for a REALLY long time btw.
Oh I believed in God from a young age. In fact I prayed more often than most of the “good Christians” I knew. But I didn’t go to church because I didn’t want to be around people who could so easily be so cruel and judgmental.
Fast forward several years. A lifetime has passed and my path has once again crossed with that oh-so-sweet boy. Now, I’m mid-divorce. I have THREE beautiful kids whom I love more than anything in this world. I’m going to church every Saturday evening (because my bus didn’t run early enough on Sundays to get me to the church I called home on time). I’m involved in women’s groups and on top of that, I’m also attending another church on Sundays when I have the time to do so. I’m praying damn near all day every day. But I’m in a bad place, man. Emotionally broken in every aspect. And I ask that sweet man to just support me through this. Please. I need somebody to lean on right now.
But those oh-so-very Christian folks… they tell him to walk away from me. It’s not his problem. He should stay away.
So I go through absolute hell. And I mean the kind of hell I would not wish on ANYBODY – nor should I. The kind of hell that somebody like me – with my so very NON-Christian background – knows is so wrong to let anybody walk through alone. But there I am going through hell alone because the person that SHOULD have been beside me was not. All because those good Christians thought I wasn’t good enough for their time or efforts. I wasn’t good enough to deserve being cared for.
I went through hell. I saw satan in those days and I felt his hands around my throat. And I went through it alone.
Fast forward again – that same oh so sweet man is now going through a small sliver of the hell I went through. Just a fragment of what I went through alone. And those good Christian folks are now telling me that if I really love him I’ll be there for him. If I really love him I’ll look past all the lies that fell in between those years and I’ll forgive him and I’ll bend over backwards and sacrifice whatever I need to sacrifice to be there for him to help him through this awful time.
You know what the difference here is? Nobody fucking has to tell me that because, me with all my non-religious background, knows that it’s NOT goddamned okay to turn your back on ANYBODY in need. So yeah. I’ll be there. Against my better judgement. I’ll be there. I don’t need some high and mighty anybody telling me what I need to do because believe it or not, that’s already who I am and it always has been. And if those good Christians had gotten out of their mighty pews long enough to actually see me they would already know that.
But I want to know why they have that double standard? Why was it perfectly fine and acceptable for them to turn their backs on me but now they expect me to do for them the very same fucking thing that they refused to do for me?!?
That’s hypocrisy at its finest there. And I’m sorry, but one day they WILL answer to God for that.
But judgement is not MY job. MY job is to be a decent human being. MY job is to try and do the right thing and to help people in need.
Maybe Christians are exempt from that.
Perhaps the pastor of those good Christians could shed some light for me since he’s had a hand in these events as well? Perhaps he could explain to me why that double standard exists and why it’s absolutely acceptable for Good Christian Folks to turn their backs on scum like me, and yet scum like me are expected to “do the right thing” and help people like them? Why is that okay?
I mean hey – I got no problem helping people. In fact, I think more of those Good Christians should take a few notes from MY book because I think I do damned good job of reaching out to people in need and accepting people in all their flaws and pains. And I think Jesus would be damned proud of who I am. Even though I have a foul mouth and I’m not the picture perfect Christian. I think he’d say that I’m on the right track.
But according to those good Christian folks, who are so quick to pass judgement (I thought that was God’s job, not theirs, but whatever) – according to them, I’m not worth a fucking glance never mind a helping hand.
So yeah – if you want to know, THAT’S why I prefer to spend my time with people like me who aren’t Good Christians. Because I find that people like me are far nicer than most of those Good Christians are. Certain exceptions to that rule exist, of course, a few of which are currently reading this. Those exceptions are the people that embraced me when I needed it no matter what my background looked like. And THOSE people are Christians I can look up to and respect. Just sayin.